Shedding Skin

No need to to cut it,
when it’s ready,
it tears on its own.
And it’s still nauseating
and disorienting every time,
after so many before.

The itchiness inside and outside
that no contorting seems to alleviate.
The growing discomfort and
need to move, rub, shake, stretch.
The restlessness, the rushing.
The attempts to distract, to contract.

The feeling like my muscles
are caught in some awkward knot,
like a wet sock
that’s twisted around the foot.
Turning the bones out of alignment,
limiting the movement.
Making it stuttery, incomplete and ragged.

The realization
that what I thought was grace,
Was actually just a robotic pattern.
Movement stuck in circle.
A perfect circle with no end.

And then the fatigue,
the slump in energy
where pain used to be.
Followed by solemn restfulness
where grief was needed before.
Still the same spiralling cycle of growth.
Encouraged and liberated by the dedicated practice.

The surrender,
the glimpse of new power,
The deepest breath I’ve ever taken.
And the fierceness to engage every muscle
beyond anything attempted before.
The size expanding,
the envelope bursting.
A sudden release.

The cracking, the audible shredding,
like sparkling water bubbles
from deep within the tissue.
The skin covering every muscle fiber
loosening, finally opening up.
Defying the capacities that were constricted before.
Every bone shifting in place for a more coordinated position.

Expansion through pain,
ripping apart the skin of the old self.
Reorganization decades too late.
Aiming to finish the job long over due.

And the coherence and clarity
that comes after.
The fragments
no longer working in isolation.

The tension
no longer fighting tension.
The center expanding control
over the periphery and beyond.
The organism finally moving as one.

The whole being finding a new equilibrium
in an enchanced expanded state.
Every membrane stretching
and aligning to catch the resonance
Of the hum that calls us from out there.

And the aftermath.
The massive surge of energy.
The ecstasy
and the desire
to test the new capabilities
immediately.

The wisdom to wait
for integration to complete.
And the slowness
more potent
Than the speed and intensity
Of what was there before.