The Weight

Trauma doesn’t just wound — it weighs. This is a litany of the heaviness I’ve carried, written not to collapse under it but to name it, so it can finally be set down.

Distraction, Dissociation, Numbing, Spacing out, Forgetting, Daydreaming,
Compulsion, Obsession, Intrusive thoughts, Rumination, Temptation, Craving,
Irritation, Annoyance, Impatience, Frustration, Resentment, Bitterness,
External validation, People pleasing, Codependence, Overgiving, Overfunctioning,
Passivity, Avoidance, Withdrawal, Silence, Stonewalling,
Blame, Judgement, Criticism, Accusation, Persecution,
Sarcasm, Mockery, Ridicule, Hostility, Spite,
Anger, Rage, Fury, Wrath, Indignation,
Hypervigilance, Anxiety, Worry, Stress, Overthinking, Alarm,
Clinging, Neediness, Yearning, Enmeshment,
Comparison, Envy, Jealousy, Competitiveness,
Shame, Guilt, Embarrassment, Humiliation, Self-loathing,
Dismissal, Devaluation, Minimization, Neglect, Rejection,
Fear of expression, Fear of speaking, Inhibition, Constriction,
Splitting, Polarization, Black-and-white thinking, Projection, Distortion,
Gaslighting, Manipulation, Exploitation, Betrayal, Broken promises,
Isolation, Alienation, Lack of belonging, Disconnection, Estrangement,
Exhaustion, Fatigue, Burnout, Depletion, Weakness,
Brain fog, Flatness, Deadness, Stagnation, Lack of creativity,
Helplessness, Powerlessness, Hopelessness, Futility, Resignation,
Loss of self, Loss of innocence, Loss of trust, Loss of safety,
Overwhelm, Flooding, Drowning, Collapse, Breaking, Shattering,
Fragmentation, Disintegration, Regression, Relapse,
Despair, Gloom, Gravity, Heaviness, Weight,
Meaninglessness, Nihilism, Cynicism, Purposelessness, Absurdity,
Darkness, Shadow, Blind spots, Unconsciousness,
Chaos, Disorder, Volatility, Instability,
Domination, Oppression, Suppression, Control, Forcing,
Cruelty, Abuse, Violence, Threatening, Punishment,
Catastrophe, Devastation, Ruin, Annihilation,
Suffering, Agony, Torment, Rawness, Wounding,
Grief, Mourning, Heartache, Longing,
Dread, Terror, Panic, Shock, Freeze,
Abyss, Void, Pit, Chasm, Collapse, Black hole,
Oblivion, Self-harm, Suicide, Destruction…