Autobiographical Pieces

“And I have swallowed the poison you feed me
But I survive on the poisons you feed me”
-Maynard, Bottom

These are the stories that built me. They trace the long arc from childhood abuse and suicidal despair to awakening, meaning, and purpose. Each one is a milestone — a moment when I stopped surviving and started seeing. They aren’t just confessions, but maps: records of how pain becomes understanding, how shame becomes strength, and how truth, when spoken aloud, becomes freedom.

The Blackness of Darkness (Shock Collar)

• This essay recounts my earliest experiences of physical and emotional abuse — and how those wounds shaped my nervous system, relationships, and sense of self. It’s an unflinching look at what happens when love and violence fuse in a child’s world, and how those patterns echo across a lifetime. This is not a story of blame, but of understanding — of tracing the lineage of trauma so it can finally stop repeating. It ends where healing begins: with self-parenting, gentleness, and the slow reclamation of safety.

Murder of Innocence (Shaping Water - part 2)

• When I was twelve, two tiny pet rats taught me the truth about cruelty. This story is one of the hardest I’ve written, but it was also a turning point in how I began to understand my father — and myself.

Write It in Blood if You Must (Thoughts on Suicide)

• This piece is an intimate guide through the landscape of suicidal despair — written by someone who has walked that path and survived it. I write not to shock, but to accompany: to show that even in the deepest darkness, there is a way through. With unflinching honesty, I describe years of living with suicidal thoughts, the paradox of endurance, and the quiet grace of surrender that eventually led to healing. It’s a letter to anyone who has ever felt the pull of oblivion, reminding them that they are not alone, and that their presence still matters deeply in this world.

The Eye of the Mountain (Discovering my Personal Myth)

• On a vision quest, I found a symbol that has guided me ever since: the eye of the mountain. This is the story of facing silence, fear, and hunger — and discovering the myths that shape our lives.

Deconditioning Everything I Was (Originally an Anonymous Reddit Post)

• Rock bottom was my altar. A broken spine became my teacher. In the ashes of exhaustion, I found ignition. This is the story of how I stopped trying to heal into safety and started living into power — how the man who once begged not to wake up learned to walk, dance, build, and burn again. It’s not about crawling out of the cave; it’s about launching from it like a rocket. This is the moment my life stopped being a trauma narrative and became a myth in motion.

Taming the Dragon (Life with Borderline Personality Disorder)

• Living with Borderline Personality Disorder felt like being chained to fire. Writing publicly about it became a way of taming that dragon — of turning intensity into clarity, and shame into voice.